Young Moms

I know some young moms. And some moms who aren't quite so young, but who have young children. And they are FRAZZLED. They remind me of a moment from my brothers wedding when my wife was trying to sing a solo. Our son (age 3?) wriggled out of his grandmother's grasp, ran down the aisle, and made a beeline for my wife. He clung to her dress, and started in.

"Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? MOMMY? MOMMY? MOMMY! MOMMY!!!"

Cool as a cucumber, my bride touched her fingers to his lips to calm him, and just kept singing.

And that's what you do. You just keep singing. But you also practice some self-care. Frazzled mom, here is a sample recipe to try for self-care. I made it up myself, so if it doesn't work, you can yell at me:

1. Get up, meet your child's immediate needs. Diaper, medicine, food. (Actually, maybe not food. Maybe just set out some cheerios and let them fend for themselves.)

2. Take a bath or a shower. Now listen. This is not about presentation so you don't look skanky for your partner. This is for YOU. Some of you haven't showered in four days because you have little kids and you are drowning! But, stop yourself. Turn the TV on. Another ten minutes of screen time won't hurt their development, I promise. LOCK THE BATHROOM DOOR. I can't emphasize this enough. ("Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?") And take your bath. Take a steam shower. Play your favorite songs on speaker. Revel in this little luxury. Because you need this. Honestly. Oh, and that baby that started crying for you at the door as soon as you sat down in the tub? They're just going to have to deal. Mommy is unavailable.

3. Put on a little makeup, IF you like how you look with makeup. This is about feeling good about yourself, and an this is a small accomplishment that will make you FEEL better about yourself.

4. Put on "real clothes", not pajamas. Nothing fancy. "Walmart-Wear" I call it. If you would wear it to Walmart, then that's good enough. But putting pajamas back on suggests you are going back to bed and you are not! Because that's what depression makes you WANT to do- to just go to bed. So you fight it by getting dressed.

5. Make the bed. Doing this takes two minutes max, but it does several things. It gives you a sense of accomplishment. Do you like check boxes? I do. And I confess, sometimes I will throw an extra item onto my list, something super easy, just to have the gratification of checking it off. It's almost CHEATING, but it works for me. Making the bed is like that. But more importantly, now that the bed is made, you don't want to mess it up by going back to bed and taking all those pillows back off. Too much work. So later today, you are going to get down. You are going to feel depressed. And you are going to look at the bed and want to just escape there. I see you. But you have stuff to do, so you need to bump that for now. So make your bed. You will thank me later.

6. Make coffee. COFFEE!!! (I am reminded of a Christmas recipe I saw for Best Rum Cake Ever. The recipe starts out with "First, sample the Rum. GOOD, isn't it?") Hahahaha! Yeah, it's like that for me too. I see you. Honestly, I do this step absolutely first. But I have that luxury because my kids are grown. Actually, because I am impatient, my first cup (or three) is from YESTERDAY'S pot of coffee because i can throw creamer in, pop it in the microwave, and be drinking it a minute later! You know, as opposed to the excruciating 10 minute wait it takes to brew a fresh pot? Priorities people! So I nuke the first cup, and then maybe start a fresh pot. Nah, who am I kidding? I drink the old coffee to the dregs and THEN make a fresh pot. Mustn't be wastful! So, you do you! Do whatever works. Figure out your best coffee routine, and then drink it like a Boss.

7. Retreat. As in getaway. Solitude. A place with no kids. Find somewhere in the house where you can be by yourself for 10 minutes. (Remember, the kids are still parked in front of the TV and that is GOOD parenting. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.) So retreat to somewhere quiet and alone. Bring a Bible. Bring a notebook. Bring your pen. Bring your coffee. You are going to write a letter! To God.

(Blink)

Yeah, I said it. Sit yourself down and write a letter to God.

Thursday, December 30, 2021 Dear God, It's me again..."

Tell Him what's bothering you. Tell Him what you're excited about. Tell him about what's going on with you. Tell him stuff. Whatever comes to mind. Get it all on paper as you sip your coffee. Now open your Bible and read. It doesn't matter where, really. God knows what you need. Just read a bit. And if a particular passage really grabs your attention, copy it down on the letter you just wrote. Take notes. Then write to God some more. Do you remember how you first really got to know your partner? You spent time together. You just hung out together. And you talked a lot. That's all this is, really. Hanging out with God for a few minutes. And you need this.

8. Check on the kids. (Helpful hint: They're FINE.) Moving on!

9. Do a little cleaning. Not a LOT of cleaning, I said a little. And ONLY a little. Because this is about self-care, not being Wonder Woman. Your whole place needs cleaning, I get it. The kitchen is trashed, there are clothes all over the floor in the bedroom, you haven't done laundry in days, and a cyclone's aftermath of toys litters the floor. I get it. But the idea of cleaning the WHOLE house is depressing. So you're going to break it down. First, throw a load of laundry in the wash and let it run. Second, empty the dishwasher. Third, walk away... I can see it in your eyes now, that haunted look. "Are you freaking kidding me? Have you seen this PIT?" Yup. Now walk away. An empty dishwasher is a necessary accomplishment, and just the right amount of work done to feel good about yourself. This afternoon, you can load the dishwasher, but not now. Just walk away. You're done here.

10. Check on your kids, and shift back into Mom Mode. You have done your self-care, now start your day.

A friend of mine sent me the below post yesterday. I love it, and wanted to share it with you guys:

In difficult times,

you move forward in small steps.

Do what you have to do, but little by little.

Don't think about the future, or

what may happen tomorrow.

Wash the dishes.

Remove the dust.

Write a letter.

Make a soup.

You see?

You are advancing step by step.

Take a step and stop.

Rest a little.

Praise yourself.

Take another step.

Then another.

You won't notice, but your steps

will grow more and more.

And the time will come when you

can think about the future

without crying.

By Elena Mikhalkova