When Triumphs Turn into Trials

My heart is heavy right now. My friend Leah passed away a few weeks ago. We were never close, and I had not seen her since I moved away from Texas 27 years ago. But still, she was my friend, and I miss her. Her memorial service was today, and they printed on the service program a passage that was found in her journal:

I choose to praise Him when triumphs turn into trials, when singing turns into sorrow, when worship becomes restless and gratefulness morphs into grief. Still I will praise when sunlight becomes darkness and dancing turns to stumbling.

I choose to dig down deep and praise my God when the silence becomes deafening and loneliness overwhelming, when sight turns to blindness and feelings become numb. Still I will reach further into the depths of my soul and praise my Lord.

I don't know the details of her passing, only that she was surrounded by friends and family, and was ready to go meet Jesus. I don't know whether she wrote that beautiful passage, or whether like me it resonated with her and she journaled it. No matter. It was her heart's response to seeing the end coming.

It reminds me of a similar passage in the Bible, found in Habakkuk 3:17-19. I am quoting from the 1611 King James Version, because I love the poetry of this passage in the translation I grew up with:

Although the fig tree shall not blossom,

neither shall fruit be in the vines;

the labour of the olive shall fail,

and the fields shall yield no meat;

the flock shall be cut off from the fold,

and there shall be no heard in the stalls:

Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,

I will joy in the God of my salvation.

The LORD God is my strength,

and he will make my feet like hinds' feet,

and he will make me to walk upon mine high places.

To the chief singer on my stringed instruments.

So much is here, much too much to completely unpack at this moment. The songwriter recounts economic deprivation due to a bad harvest, compounded by the soldiers of an invading army scavenging all they can find. The flock of sheep is cut off from the sheep fold, their place of refuge. Instead of safety, they are in the wind and at risk from predators. Signs of doom are all around. Yet the heart's response of the songwriter is praise.

Yet I will rejoice in the LORD.

I will joy in the God of my salvation.

The next verse talks about God making his feet like hind's feet, enabling him to walk on the high places.

The LORD God is my strength,

and he will make my feet like hinds' feet,

and he will make me to walk upon mine high places.

This is a strange passage to us, but Barbara Lardinais explains in her article "Secret of Hind's Feet" https://hannahscupboard.com/secrethind/,

"The hind is a female red deer whose home is the mountains. The rear feet of the hind step is precisely the same spot where the front feet have just been. Every motion of the hind is followed through with single-focused consistency, making it the most sure-footed of all mountain animals."

I might paraphrase the passage as,

"He makes me surefooted, so I can walk safely in treacherous places."

Many of us are walking in treacherous places right now. Some of my friends are in the hospital. Others are terminally ill. They aren't dying just quite yet, but it's coming and they know it. Others of us it catches by surprise. As I understand it, I have a terminal disease, but I am not dying of it just quite yet, so nobody panic. I am in good health at the moment but that day will come eventually. (That or I will be looking at my phone and step out in front of a car like an idiot.) Meanwhile, I believe God still has some stuff for me to do. My daily prayer is that I will complete my mission. That I will fulfill my purpose in His kingdom. And that if I see that day coming, my soul will echo the prophet Habakkuk and my friend Leah,

Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.

Technically, this is a goat, but you get the idea!