This morning I blogged about opening my Bible at random to Psalm 40, the passage written by King David about being stuck in the mud, and God pulling him out.
I waited and waited and waited for GOD.
At last He looked; finally he listened.
He lifted me out of the ditch,
pulled me from the deep mud.
He stood me up on a solid rock
to make sure I wouldn't slip...
Great passage! So just now, I had been asking God about something, almost thoughtlessly writing the question to Him in my journal, when I open my Bible again and found myself staring at the start of Micah chapter 7.
Stick Around To See What God Will Do.
Alright! But then I notice verse 1:
I'm overwhelmed with sorrow!
Sunk in a swamp of despair...
More swamps. Just like the passage I read this morning. "More Fire Swamp, God, with quicksand hazards and Rodents of Unusual Size?" (That's a Princess Bride movie reference, for those of you unfamiliar with the 1987 classic about True Love, staring Cary Elwes and Robin Wright. One of the most quotable movies I can think of. Treat yourself and watch it.)
If we continue on in Micah chapter 7 to verse 7, we read:
But me, I'm not giving up.
I'm sticking around to see what God will do.
I'm waiting for God to make things right.
I'm counting on God to listen to me.
In response to my question, God brought me to this passage, and then reminded me of something he had shown me long ago. It was my journal. It was lying on a table and the wind coming through the windows was flipping the pages. As I saw the the pages flip, I saw that paragraphs were missing, and sometimes whole pages were missing. He impressed upon me that the missing paragraphs and pages represented things I didn't know. I didn't know the whole story. "So wait, God- you mean what I saw (still see?) as injustice ain't necessarily so?" Yeah. Pretty much. And I believe that someday God fill in the blanks for me, and then I will understand. God reminded me of this vision to tell me to stick around and see what He would do.
Meanwhile, I am not in despair, but I am definitely in this here Medical Marsh for the foreseeable future. I am stuck in this hospital, and can't go anywhere, just as if I was stuck in the pluff mud of the salt marsh on my jobsite again (sigh), and waiting for rescue. Continuing on in verse 8, we read:
Don't, enemy, crow over me.
I'm down, but I'm not out.
I'm sitting in the dark right now,
but God is my light.
And really, that's my situation right now. My oncologists say my chemo side effects will start kicking in tomorrow or the next day, about day 7 after start of the chemo. (I still haven't lost any hair, and my 16 year old daughter is desperately hoping my Old Man Ear Hair will be the first hair to go...) Then next week, I will feel the effects of my blood counts dropping, and will feel very weak. But around Day 17 (the count starts tomorrow with my stem cell infusion, on my Re-Birth Day-- my "Day Zero"), I will start to feel better. Stronger. More like my old self again.
Maybe you too, are stuck in a swamp and waiting for rescue?
Don't, enemy, crow over me.
I'm down, but I'm not out.
I'm sitting in the dark right now,
but God is my light.
But I'm sticking around to see what God will do!
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