Anyone else here (constantly?) thinking about food? No? Well yesterday morning, God showed me Food. A half eaten chimichanga, specifically. Goop (sauce) was oozing out, and there were unidentifiable chunks on the plate. As I watched, I saw myself taking the fork to carefully eat every last bite.
"God, what does this mean?" My thoughts wandered to my time in the hospital with Covid when I was ravenous from the steroids. I felt like the Marvel character Venom, prowling around muttering to himself, "FOOD!" When my dinner tray came, I ate every bite, even hated vegetables, such as cauliflower. I was hungry, AND I wanted to get well. So I ate it all. At first, I thought this was about nutrition. (I had to give up red meat 2 1/2 years ago because I got a stupid disease called alpha-gal from a tick bite. Now I am allergic to the meat of all mammals.) Giving up beef and bacon was tough, but now I have to cut back on sugar too? This sucks!
But as I think about the vision, a second interpretation comes to mind. Taking the bad in with the good. I recalled Job's response to his hardship-- "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" Ok, that made sense. But then I looked up the passage in Job 2:7-10, and did a double take. Then context was physical suffering.
"Satan left God and struck Job with terrible sores. Job was ulcers and scabs from head to foot. They itched and oozed so badly that he took a piece of broken pottery to scrape himself, then went and sat on a trash heap, among the ashes.
His wife said, "Still holding on to your precious integrity are you? Curse God and be done with it!"
He told her, You're talking like an empty-headed fool. We take the good days from God-- why not also the bad days?"
Not once through all of this did Job sin. He said nothing against God."
Some of you are asking how I'm feeling. Honestly, I feel GREAT! I have swollen lymph nodes in my armpits, my groin, and my neck, but they don't hurt. At the most, they are mildly uncomfortable with pressure. The doctor referred me to an oncologist for treatment, but that hasn't happened yet. They tell me I have Nodal marginal zone B-cell lymphoma. According to cancercenter.com:
"This is another rare type of cancer, accounting for about 1 percent of all lymphomas, according to ASCO. It tends to begin in the lymph nodes and remain there, though it sometimes spreads to the bone marrow. Treatment options are similar to those used to treat follicular lymphoma: radiation alone for early-stage disease, or chemotherapy, targeted therapy and/or radiation therapy as the cancer progresses."
I don't know which treatments I will receive, but I expect it to be chemotherapy, plus some other things. (The potential treatment I fear most is a bone marrow transplant.) I am not afraid of dying, but Pain is not high on my priority list! Please pray for me that I will be able to get lots of work done before the cancer symptoms or the treatment makes physical work difficult. I feel great right now, but Pain is coming, and that's ok. God's response when I ask about it is:
"My grace is sufficient."
Ok, God. Let's do this... This morning, I am really appreciating passages in Psalm 18, quoted from The Message. (Emphasis mine.)
"I love you, GOD--
you make me STRONG.
God is bedrock under my feet,
the castle in which I live,
my rescuing knight.
My God-- the high crag
where I run for dear life,
hiding behind the boulders,
safe in the granite hideout.
I SING to GOD, the Praise-Lofty,
and find myself safe and saved.
***
But me he caught -- reached all the way
from sky to sea; he pulled me out
Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos,
the void in which I was drowning.
They hit me when I was down,
but GOD stuck by me.
He stood me up on a wide-open field;
I stood there saved -- surprised to be loved!
God made my life complete
when I placed all the pieces before him.
When I got my act together,
he gave me a fresh start.
Now I'm alert to GOD's ways;
I don't take God for granted.
Every day I review the ways he works;
I try not to miss a trick.
I feel put back together,
and I'm watching my step.
God rewrote the text of my life
when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.
I really love that last verse. Sometimes we really need a re-write. A do-over. But he is a God of second chances.
What a God!
His road stretches straight and smooth.
Every God-direction is road-tested.
Everyone who runs toward him
MAKES it."
"Everyone who runs toward him, makes it." I am not a runner. In fact, I LOATHE running. I find it to be either boring or painful, depending on my level of effort. In the few times I have participated in an organized race, I was often in despair of reaching the finish line. Success was determined by crossing the finish line, and my own success was seriously in doubt. But here, we have success defined, not by crossing the finish line, but by simply running in the right direction-- TOWARDS GOD. Almost a divine participation trophy! Running... As opposed to walking, or standing in the shade, playing with your phone.
I'm thinking of the stereotypical soap opera scene of the couple running towards each other in slow motion. "John!!!" "Marsha!!!" They embrace, background goes to soft focus... cut scene.
Jeremiah 31:2-3 in The Message comes to mind:
This is what the LORD says:
"They found grace out in the desert,
these people who survived the killing.
Israel, out looking for a place to rest,
met God out looking for them!"
God told them, "I've never quit loving you,
and I never will.
Expect love, love, and more love!"
Expect Love, Love, and more Love.
Commentaires